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Oatmeal Fudge Bars – screw you mermaid…

I’m usually not a fan of coffee shop treats, unless it’s one of those cute little coffee shops that you KNOW bakes their own stuff in the back of the shop. The cookies are usually stale, the sandwiches usually pre-packaged, and their muffins are usually so dry they could choke a horse. But the Fancy Seattle-Based Coffee Shop That Shall Not Be Named won me over with their oatmeal fudge bars. For those of you who haven’t succumbed to these little beauties, they’re a layer of oatmeal cookie, then a layer of chocolate fudge, and then these cute little dots of oatmeal cookie on top. They’re chewy, and a little crumbly, and buttery…and…and FUDGE I FREAKING LOVE FUDGE!

*ahem*

That being said. I happen to be cheap.

Like, super all the way cheap.

You’ll only ever find me in the Fancy Seattle-Based Coffee Shop That Shall Not Be Named if someone else is buying, which doesn’t happen often. My friends are good friends, but they’re cheap too. So, how’s a girl supposed to feed her oatmealy-chocolatey-fudgey obsession?

Chocolate Fudge Bars

INGREDIENTS

  • 1 cup butter, softened
  • 2 cups packed brown sugar
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 2 1/2 cups flour
  • 3 cups quick-cooking rolled oats
  • 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
  • 1 14oz can sweetened condensed milk
  • 2 tsp vanilla

HOW TO

  1. Preheat oven to 350. Line 15×10 or 13×9 baking pan with parchment. Set aside 2 tbsp of butter.
  2. In a large bowl, and if you’re feeling lazy here’s where you grab your stand or electric hand mixer, beat the big hunk of butter for about 30 seconds. Add the brown sugar and baking soda, beat until combined, scraping down the sides of the bowl.
  3. Beat in the eggs, and 2 tsp of vanilla. If you’re using a mixer you might have to stir in the last of it by hand. “Stir” in the rolled oats. “Stir” being in parentheses because anyone who knows anything about baking knows that at this point all kitchen utensils have been rendered useless and you’re going to have to get your hands right on in there and smoosh things together with your fingers. If you’re smart you’ll take off your rings first. If you’re not so smart, you may need to soak your rings afterwords. This stuff is thick and sticky…
  4. Smoosh 2/3rds (about 3 1/2 cups) of the oat mixture into the bottom of the parchment lined pan. If you’re using the smaller pan you’re going to have a super thick layer…and that’s all good. If you’re using the larger pan the cookie will be a little crisper when it bakes up. Both are equally delicious and filled with fudgey goodness. There’s no hate here, size doesn’t matter.
  5. For the fudgey goodness, melt the 2 tbsp butter, chocolate and sweetened condensed milk together in a medium sized saucepan. Stir occasionally or else you’ll end up with burnt chocolate nubbins, and nothing is sadder than ruined chocolate. Do this over low heat…because again, burnt chocolate is a sin. Once everything is melty, remove from heat and add in the last of the vanilla
  6. Schmear the fudgey goodness onto the oatmeal goodness. Dot remaining cookie mixture across the top of the fudgey layer. You can do this all pretty-like, just like in the Fancy Seattle-Based Coffee Shop That Shall Not Be Named, or do what I usually do and turn the whole top into a giant cookie where almost no fudgey stuff is showing.
  7. Bake for 25 minutes, or until the top is light brown. If there’s any fudge showing it’ll look moist. Cool in pan on wire rack. Don’t even THINK about cutting these until they’re all the way cooled down. I mean, leave the house and go entertain yourself for a couple of hours. Don’t cut ‘em until they’re set. I mean it.
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